Old-self

I know, someday i will loss all the things i had today. Like, it will comes a time where i no longer can talk what i want to, no longer can put the pens on to write whatever i wish to, no longer can say hi to everyone like i always do.

I understand the purpose of living. To live as a subject of Allah and addeen. I know,whatever i had today someday it will all gone. Nothing left. But surely, i want to do something that literally will attach myself to forever pahala-chain. I wish this old-plain blog will somehow build someone else inner strong. Moga moga-

Its being another year this blog 'survive' with me, through ups and down. Im not good in writing but in my other half of genes,i llove to write things. More than i adore eating. Something inside me wants me to put things down because i enjoyed the moment i read back all the things i wrote, a things that no one can help me to laugh and cry into, not sure when was the first day i registered this blog,later i gonna check it up and celebrate its birthday every year (See how melancholy i am)

There's too much things i belong here. And this is the only place where i freely flee run my thoughts (beside the diary). This was once a place i rejuvanate myself on how devastated i was. It was too idiotic back then. And right now, i'm here without any intention to increase followers or added another ads to gain some money, but i'm here to pour every single thought and memories into words.

This few days, i'm not feeling good about myself. I took a longer time at night before sleep thinking how i have change too much. I never assume i am a pious woman who walk into His path solemnly, just that i cannot brain why i can't be the old me who enjoyed waking up for tahajjud. Am the sinner but who are me to judge myself to walk out from those pathetic self?

I know. Too much mess to understand. Too much broken to be fix.
Me too neither can understand what i'm going to sell here.

Only Him knows what it feels when i no longer can step out awake for myself.

Allahu, why i was feeling so devastated right now?😭